Day – 18 Midway

8-14-10

Natalie’s Grandmother died this morning. I’m feeling really guilty that I’m out here on the road living it up and not there for her. It makes me second guess the way I live my life. So many people are there for me when I need them. My family, Natalie, friends and even my coworkers help me. They’re the only reason I’m able to be out here. With out their support I would collapse but I’m not there for anybody else. Not ever. What kind of man does that make me? It’s a bad time in the tour for this to happen. The two week mark is when the homesickness and depression hits me. It usually only lasts a couple days but add all the guilt I’m feel about being gone while someone I love suffers and it’s not good. I am a man playing  in a kids world. A selfish, self serving kids world. I’ll write about the tour now because it’s not good to dwell on how down I feel.

All the shows since I last wrote have been good. The audiences have been really receptive and into our set. Stockton CA was nothing special, it reminded me of Paterson NJ but with some palm trees. Santa Barbara was a really nice city. I especially enjoyed driving down out of the mountain and into the city and seeing the ocean. It was a piece of scenery I won’t soon forget. As nice as the town was it basically looked like an outdoor mall with all the same corporate stores you see in any mall in the north east. If you need Starbucks like you need oxygen than you’ll have no problem surviving in Santa Barbara.

After Santa Barbara we drove south to Anaheim. Which as been the been the new home base for the last few days. The show in Anaheim has been my favorite so far it had the biggest and most receptive crowd. For the most part the show was just like every other show. They’re already starting to run together and nothing stands out from one to the next.  The best part of our first day in Anaheim was the pool and hot tub at the hotel.

8-17-10

The next show was the one I was really looking forward to. It was at the Whiskey A Go Go in West Hollywood. It’s a very famous venue with a lot of history. Pretty much any band you have ever heard of has played the Whiskey. The Doors got their start there, they were the house band for awhile. We were all excited to play there but when it came time to play my excitement was crushed. The sound guys were jerks and the on stage sound was the worst we’ve had all tour. I couldn’t enjoy a second of it. It was actually painful to get through the set. The guys in The Ataris said that it sounded good through the front of house speakers, which is good but it didn’t make me feel any better about the set. During the day we walked around town and saw the stars and the Hollywood sign. All of which was pretty unexciting. I did get to try In-N-Out Burger for the first time. I thought it was good and Rob liked it too but Ted and Anthony said it tasted like McDonald’s. After the show Rob and I had a couple of interesting encounters. First, I saw that some dude had his arm around Rob’s shoulders and wouldn’t let go of him. I went over to rescue him but some other dude jumped in front of me and wouldn’t let me get to Rob. He told me that his friend wasn’t gay, they’re from North Dakota and are really drunk. I told him if his friends not get then tell him to get his hands off my friend. The situation got pretty tense for a moment. I thought we were going to end up in a fight. Eventually the drunks who talk like they’re from the movie Fargo wandered off. A little while later we went for a walk up Sunset Blvd. to check out The Rainbow Room and The Roxy. As we were walking we got attacked by three middle aged women who saw us play earlier. They were from Louisiana and they were very drunk and very aggressive. The one women was pushing Rob up against the wall and at one point she kept putting her arm around my neck and hanging on me.  I think she said something like “you guys are young and can go all night”. That was our signal to get away. It  was pretty funny in the end, a lot more so than the fargo guys. That was pretty much how the night ended.

The next couple of shows were in Bakersfield CA and Hesperia CA. They’re both pretty crappy towns and the shows were crappy attendance wise. We still managed to have fun though.  The second town was so lovely that someone stole The Ataris license plate off their van. I’m not sure what they did about that but I’m sure it was a pain in the ass. Yesterday was a day off and since where were staying was just a few miles Disneyland we decided to go. It was a good time but it could have been better for me. I twisted my foot loading gear the night at the Whiskey and it has been hurting me pretty bad so it sucked being on my feet standing in lines all day. Also I felt guilty being at Disney while Natalie is back east dealing with her grandmothers death. I didn’t tell the guys about this stuff and I think I managed to have a good time despite the problems. I didn’t tell them I was feeling bad because I didn’t want it to impact their day.

After Disneyland we drove south towards San Diego to stay with one of Ted’s friends. We are staying here the next few nights. She lives on an army base called Camp Pendleton. It was kind of a process just getting into the base. It’s definitely unsettling to deal with fully armed military guards. Now we are just sitting around waiting to leave for the show. Tonight’s show is a the Casbah in San Diego.

8-18-10

Last night’s show was really great not to mention sold out. I really loved the venue. All the people there at The Casbah were really nice and awesome at their jobs.  We had lunch at a place called Lucho Libre from the Man Vs Food show. It was easily the best burrito I’ve ever had. After we were done playing a girl who I thought was pretty hot starting talking to me. She was nice and I felt pretty good about myself. Especially after all the hard work I’ve done to lose weight and get in shape I was kind of proud.  It turned out she was just using me to get to one of the other guys. I guess I was an easy target. It made me pretty angry. I don’t care if the  pretty girls ignore me but I don’t like being used. After I realized what she was doing I started to be really mean to her. I don’t feel bad about it. Today was another day off so we decided to go to the beach. We did some swimming, rode some waves and got sunburn.  It was a good relaxing day.  Overall I’m feeling a lot better about everything which is good. We are officially halfway though the tour and I’m ready to go.

Days 7, 8, 9 – Orangevale, San Fransisco, San Jose

It’s been a few days since I’ve had the chance to write. Actually that’s a lie Ive had chances I was either to tired or just didn’t feel like it. Reno’s show was uneventful. The show was good and we played well. It was our first show with The Ataris and it was good to see them again. It’s a good feeling being so far from home and playing shows with friends. I’m always a little uncomfortable around I don’t know well especially musicians. I’m very self conscious about how little I know about music, gear and the quality of my playing. I say this because it’s true. I’ve always been the least talented one in every band I’ve been in and the bands I’ve been in always play with other really talented bands. I”ve never been interested in practicing or study music. The performance for me is all about a feeling and being in the moment. The notes don’t matter. The Ataris are probably my favorite band to play with because they’re all very nice and I feel comfortable around them.

Orangevale was an average show. Not much stands out about it in my mind. It’s a suburb just north of Sacramento. The venue wasn’t air conditioned which for a very hot show. Half way through our set I started to get so hot that I was getting chills and got a bit light headed. It passed though and by the end of the set I felt fine. During the day we found a park to cooked lunch on the George Foreman Grill. There was some sort of community event happening so there was dance troops and local singers performing. It was so bad it was good. It was one of those I can’t believe this is my life moments.

After the Orangevale show we drove south to San Jose. We have a friend here who we are staying with for a few days. It’s basically our home base for all the shows in the area.  We got to San Jose at three in the morning, slept for a few hours and then went to San Fransisco in the morning to check out the city before the show there. It was really great. I nerd out of this stuff. While other bands would probably go to the strip clubs and peep shows, we went and saw Lombard St. We walked around fisherman’s Wharf and pier 39, checked out the street performers and ate some fresh seafood right there on the pier. We had and awesome view of Alcatraz and we saw the sea lions hanging out. It was great. For me it doesn’t get any better. I’m sorry that these posts are all rambling list of happening instead of introspective and well written pieces. It’s hard to get my mind around all these experiences while I’m right in the middle of it.

Today we are playing in San Jose about a block from base camp which is nice. It doesn’t get anymore convenient than that. Load in isn’t until six o’clock so we decided to drive out to a start park north of the city. We hiked through patch of red wood forest there. It was another incredible experience. The trees are massive and the forest is so quit and beautiful. It was a really nice and relaxing time. I have to go it’s almost time for load in.

Day 6 – Reno NV

We are driving through Nevada towards Reno. It looks like another planet out here. I’m really enjoying the scenery. We spent most of yesterdays day off driving through the Rocky Mountains. It was pretty incredible. Tonight is our first show with The Ataris and the last of the really terribly long drives. We spent close to fourteen hours in the van yesterday. With the drives being so long nothing really interesting has happened and I think maybe I’m too over tired to get real deep or philosophical. I’m finally in the swing of things, I was really struggling at first but now I feel like I can do this forever. I want to use the down time on this trip to finish my second poetry book. The working title for it right now is The Lies That Cause The Cancer. It is similar to my first book but straight forward and more honest. The writing so far is very revealing and unflattering. I of course could never be easy on myself.

Day 4 – Denver CO

The drive in was definitly rough. It took eleven hours and I wasn’t able to sleep for any of it. We basicly drove from Chicago to Denver with a two hour lay over in Des Moines.  That’s about sixteen hours in the van with a show as a break. It was cloudy this morning when the sun came up so I didn’t get to see the mountains they way I hoped. Through most of the drive there was absolutely nothing to look at, there wasn’t even any hills or turns. Somewhere in western Iowa we hit a crazy thunderstorm with seventy mile per hour winds and hail as big as ping pong balls.  We took a vote and decided to take shelter under an over pass. It was pretty intense for awhile but we made it to Denver at eight in the morning without any problems.

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Day 3 – Des Moines

I’m somewhere in Iowa right now. Last nights show was ok. There wasn’t very many people but we played well. Which is an improvement from the night before. Stayed at another girls house she’s a big fan of my old band. I don’t know if she was nervous or something but she got really drunk. Ted had to driver her car back to her house while she vomited out the window all over the side of it. I don’t know if its the time difference but I was up early this morning. I ran for thirty minutes and did my whole work out routine by nine in the morning. I feel pretty good. I’m starting to pick up the rythem of the tour. Tonight we are leaving Des Moines and going straight to Denver. We will be on the road all night so that’s going to be a little rough. The plus side is we will be driving up to the Rockies at sunrise which should be a picture worthy moment.

Day 2 – Chicago

I know it’s only the second day of tour but I feel like I’m having a harder time than usual to get used to road life. Hopefully by tomorrow I’ll have my tour legs. We stayed at some girls house last night. Her name is Christmas, no it really is. Besides letting us sleep on her floor she also treated us to breakfeast so the name fits.  Our drive today is eight hours which doesn’t really leave much room for anything very exciting to happen. We’ll see what happens after the show.

Day 1 – Pittsburgh

Today is the first day of a long tour. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it but now that we are in the van it feels good. It feels right. The worries and the stress of every day life are miles behind, there’s nothing but the miles and shows ahead of me.  I’m enjoying the comfortable silence in the van. There’s no music, no small talk just four guys together in a van but alone with our thoughts. It always amazes me how quickly we fall into this silence. There is some small talk at first but it fads away fast. There is the anticipation of the unexpected, the great unpredictable adventure of the tour. There’s also the long hours of nothing but road signs flying past, endless daydreams and an eternity of crawling through your thoughts. Some people would call it boredom, I don’t. It’s like meditation and its my favorite part of tour besides the show.

Twenty Nine

Today is my Twenty Ninth Birthday.  My birthday isn’t really a day of celebration for me, it’s a day of reflection.  For the better part of the last fifteen years I’ve been keeping a journal.  On my birthday I like to go back through all those notebooks and see where I was at, what I was doing/thinking on those birthdays years ago.  Sadly a good portion of the earlier notebooks have been lost or destroyed over the years. I guess I should have  been more careful with them or backed them up on the computer.  The theme I see a lot through out all of my journal writing is of not knowing myself, a sense of being lost in a world of people who’s paths seemed clear. The same questions come up time and time again. Who am I? What am I? Why am I? This year feels different. Though I don’t know if I have the words to answer those questions precisely they feel answered.  Who am I? I’m exactly who I am suppose to be. What am I? I’m a man on a journey. Why am I? I am because I choose to be.

The Movement and the Miles

My next tour is only a few weeks away and I don’t know if I have the command over words  required to accurately describe how I feel about it. In all honesty touring has become less about the music for me and more about the adventure. It’s more about the movement and the miles. It’s the unknown of the tour that excites me and I’m very excited about this tour. I’m more excited about this tour that any of the others I’ve done.  Doing Warped Tour several times on a big fancy tour bus was awesome but it was lacking in adventure for me. Warped Tour is a lot like the movie Ground Hogs Day, everyday is exactly the same. Half the fun is the excitement and nerves that build up in the weeks before you even leave. All the logistics involved to be away from home long periods of time. The fact that we are always on a very tight budget also helps add to that nervous tension. Just as I was typing this I got a phone call informing me that the drummer that was doing the tour with us, might not be now. So now add the tension of scrambling for another drummer just a few weeks before the tour. Is it ideal that he might not be coming? No, of course not. It does worry me a bit but over all, it will be figured out just like everything else that has to be figured out and I will have my adventure no matter what. The thing about tour is there is so much to worry about when planning for it but once you’re out there and you’re doing it all your worries go away. You don’t worry about the life at home that’s on pause, you don’t worry about finances or bills, you don’t worry about your job or anything else. All you have on your mind is the miles, the shows and the adventure you are right in the middle of.

I plan on posting here daily while I’m on the tour about what adventures may come along or just life on the road in general. If you would like to be informed of when I post either subscribe to my blog by using the link to the right —–> or you can go to keithslader.fanbridge.com and join my email list.  For more info on the tour dates and my band Don’t Panic go to our Facebook Fan Page.

Giant Snake Obsticle Course Thing

I was thinking about this time when I was a child that my parents took me and my brother to boardwalk in seaside NJ. I remember the sun was still out but getting close to setting, making everything seem to glow orange. The board walk as all those games where you put money on a color and symbol and they spin the wheel to see who wins. I always wanted to play those games but wouldn’t ask my parents. I would talk myself out of it because i was afraid of being disappointed. They would either say no or they’d say yes and I wouldn’t win anyway. I remember not asking for a lot of things, I just couldn’t handle the disappointment of the word very well. On this night though, with the setting sun making the faces on the boardwalk glow,and the sticky breeze coming off the ocean, i saw something i really wanted to do. So I took a deep breath held it for a moment and then let it out in a long sigh. I chickened out. It was this giant snake, tunnel obstacle course thing. I had no idea what was inside of it but I really wanted to find out. I could see the kids waiting in line with their dads, itching with excitement. I could see the kids coming out the exit, red-faced and bug-eyed with joy, their dads coming out with them smiling. I wanted to go through the giant snake-tunnel obstacle course so badly it ached in my stomach as we walked past it. This feeling ran through my whole a body a feeling I couldn’t explain to you then, a feeling so strong it ruins a kids appetite even for things like chocolate and vanilla swirl soft serve ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. It’s a feeling as an adult I know as depression.